Doom

Deep inside

My darkest desire

There is a love

That burns like fire

Deep inside

My shadow calls

From the cracks

Of the old brick walls

Wanting to find me

For we are apart

For I am lost

Deep in your heart

Wanting to find

A place to be

Until I realize

There’s no place for me

Still love’s transgression

Moves me through

Every little part of you

And in the walls

My shadow will wait

Longing for me

To decide its fate

And in the walls

It makes its tomb

Cause if it has to wait for me

It’s doomed

This is a poem I wrote in 1998.... which I guess means I was 16 years old. It's not my best poem by far but I still love the imagery in it.  The mental pictures it brings to mind even as I read it today.  Tell me what you think :)

Mama's Broken Heart

 Mama's Broken Heart

(As Performed by: Miranda Lambert)

I cut my bangs with some rusty kitchen scissors
I screamed his name 'til the neighbors called the cops
I numbed the pain at the expense of my liver
Don’t know what I did next, all I know's I couldn’t stop

Word got around to the barflies & the baptists
My mama’s phone started ringin' off the hook
I can hear her now, sayin' she ain’t gonna have it
Don’t matter how you feel, it only matters how you look

Go and fix your make up girl, it’s just a break up
Run and hide your crazy and start actin' like a lady
Cause I raised you better, gotta keep it together
Even when you fall apart
But this ain’t my mama’s broken heart

Wish I could be just a little less dramatic
Like a Kennedy when Camelot went down in flames
Leave it to me to be holdin' the matches
When the fire trucks show up and there’s nobody else to blame

Can’t get revenge and keep a spotless reputation
Sometimes revenge is a choice you gotta make
My mama came from a softer generation
Where you get a grip and bite your lip just to save a little face

Go and fix your make up girl, it’s just a break up
Run and hide your crazy and start actin' like a lady
Cause I raised you better, gotta keep it together
Even when you fall apart
But this ain’t my mama’s broken heart

Powder your nose, paint your toes
Line your lips and keep 'em closed
Cross your legs, dot your i's
And never let 'em see you cry

Go and fix your make up, well it’s just a break up
Run and hide your crazy and start actin' like a lady
Cause I raised you better, gotta keep it together
Even when you fall apart
But this ain’t my mama’s broken heart

This is one of my favorite new songs!  Love it... It's got attitude! lol.  Sorry I never wrote to you yesterday... Life is actually kinda exhausting right now (In a wonderful way).    I got back to Flin Flon Sunday after being in Swan from Thursday night.  I leave again Thursday to go back and between packing and unpacking for my trips and packing for my move, the kids, cleaning and work... I'm looking forward to a break.  But my weekends are fabulous and I wouldn't trade them for all the sleeping the world.  Have a listen to this song... it's very catchy :)

Untitled

I don’t even want to think that I am crazy

If this is all a big mistake don’t want to know

I’ll go anywhere for love that this life takes me

And if it’s wrong don’t try to tell me so

Cause it’s going to be my heart that I must stand on

And if I’m gonna fall I’ll have to fly

Cause I can’t bear the thought of having you gone

I don’t think I have the strength to say goodbye

If my heart is gonna break let it shatter

Least I’ll have given everything for love

Cause in the end the outcome doesn’t matter

At least I didn’t turn my tail and run

I wrote this poem a long time ago but it still seems fitting to my situation today.   I think in fact that it is fitting to every new relationship.  Loving is always a risk... but without it.... what do you have?

I Can Pray

I Can Pray

(As Performed By: The Dove Brothers)

VERSE 1
YOU SAY I’M NOT ABLE
I’M TOO YOUNG OR I’M TOO OLD
I CAN’T SING OR TEACH
AND NO TITLE DO I HOLD
LORD WHAT CAN I DO FOR I WANT TO DO MY PART
AND I WANT TO HELP THE HURTING
WITH ALL OF MY HEART

VERSE 2
MY FAMILY SHOWS NO INTEREST
MY CHILD HAS GONE SO FAR
THOUGH I TRY MY BEST TO REACH THEM
THEIR HEARTS JUST SEEM SO HARD
LORD WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP BRING THEM BACK TO YOU
MY FAMILY’S LOST AND DYING
AND MY WORDS DO NOT GET THROUGH

CHORUS
I CAN PRAY UNTIL THE WALLS COME DOWN
TILL THERE’S HEALING ALL AROUND
THAT’S SOMETHING I CAN DO
I CAN PRAY IN MY SECRET PLACE
CALLING ON YOUR NAME
THAT’S SOMETHING I CAN DO
I CAN PRAY

TAG
I CAN PRAY
I KNOW YOU HEAR ME, LORD
I CAN PRAY

Love this song.  You know It seems like when I started going back to church my life started to come together.  I can't say with any definity that one has to do with other... But I can say that I believe in the power of prayer.  I believe that God is with us, walks beside us and if we open ourselves up to it, opur live will be better even when times are tough.

 

This Love

Surrounded by people, yet all alone

Except when I’m with you

The moments that I’m in your arms

Are when the real me shines through

I never chose to love you

But somehow this love chose me

Now I’m hanging on; this bumpy ride

Is the only path for me

It’s not that I don’t see the signs

I know the hills we’ll have to climb

But I will walk and I will run

And I will give you all my time

Without regret, without remorse

Each moment lived for you, for us

Without reserve, without a choice

Cause I was made to feel this love

It never fails to amaze me how differently different people affect our lives.... I have friends who I can be completely crazy with... I am so sweet with certain people, I'm a different person at work, a different person with my kids... it's not a conscious thing... it just is a way of adjusting yourself to your company and I think we all have that to some extent... me maybe more than others.  I think if were lucky though we find that one person who we don't have to adjust ourselves with... that one person who we can be who we are with... who we can be completely in a moment with... never questioning behavior or words.  That person who makes us feel whole in a way that no one else does. 

I Want Crazy

 I WANT CRAZY

(As Performed By: Hunter Hayes)

I’m booking myself a one-way flight
I gotta see the color in your eyes
And tellin’ myself I’m gonna be alright
Without you baby is a waste of time, ooh
Yeah, our first date, girl, the seasons change
That got washed away in a summer rain
You can’t undo a fall like this
‘Cause love don’t know what distance is
Yeah, I know it’s crazy

But I don’t want good and I don’t want good enough
I want can’t sleep, can’t breathe without your love
Front porch and one more kiss
It don’t make sense to anybody else
Who cares if you’re all I think about?
I’ve searched the world and I know now
It ain’t right and if you ain’t lost your mind
Yeah, I don’t want easy, I want crazy
Are you with me baby, let’s be crazy

Yeah, I wanna be scared, don’t wanna know why
I wanna feel good, don’t have to be right
The world makes all kinds of rules for love
I see you gotta let it do what it does
I don’t want just another hug and a kiss goodnight
Catchin’ up calls and a date sometimes
A love that revels and we still believe
We’re the kind of crazy that people wish that they could be
I know we’re crazy

But I don’t want good and I don’t want good enough
I want can’t sleep, can’t breathe without your love
Front porch and one more kiss
It don’t make sense to anybody else
Who cares if you’re all I think about?
I’ve searched the world and I know now
It ain’t right and if you ain’t lost your mind
Yeah, I don’t want easy, I want crazy
Are you with me baby, let’s be crazy

But I don’t want good and I don’t want good enough
I want can’t sleep, can’t breathe without your love
Front porch and one more kiss
It don’t make sense to anybody else
Who cares if you’re all I think about?
I’ve searched the world and I know now
It ain’t right and if you ain’t lost your mind

Yeah, I don’t want easy, I want crazy
Yeah, look at us baby
Tonight the midnight rules are breaking
There’s no such thing as wild enough
Or maybe we just think too much
Who needs to play it safe in love?
Let’s be crazy

Who cares if we’re crazy?
We gotta be crazy
I know that we’re crazy
So let’s be crazy

My girlfriend likes to call me crazy when I'm talking about my love life.... But I like crazy!  Crazy is fun!  Crazy is interesting!  Life is boring without a little bit of crazy!

Unbelievable

I can’t believe I’m here with you

This is such a perfect night

And I just can’t get over

How this feels so right

I can’t believe your holding me

I can’t believe I feel your kiss

I can’t believe our friendship
Could turn into this

I can’t believe that you’re so sweet

I can’t believe the things you’ve said

I can’t believe the looks you’ve gave

I can’t believe the lines you’ve fed

I can’t believe the passion

In this scary scene

And most of all I can’t believe

That this is all a dream

This poem is almost 15 years old....  Can you tell I was a dreamer?  An angst ridden teen with too much time on her hands?  As it turns out I still kinda am lol.... anyway... enjoy.

Somebody's Heartbreak

Somebody's Heartbreak

(As Performed By: Hunter Hayes)

I'd love to know just what you're thinkin'
Every little river, runnin' through your mind
You give and you take
You come and you go
You leave me here wonderin' if I'll ever know
How much you care or how much you don't
Whatever you need, whatever you want

If you're gonna be somebody's heartbreak
If you're gonna be somebody's mistake
If you're gonna be somebody's first time,
Somebody's last time, baby be mine
If you're lookin' to be somebody's 'just friends',
A little laughin', little lovin', never callin' again, that's just fine
If you're gonna be somebody's heartbreak
Be mine, yeah
Oh, be mine

I guess that all I'm tryin' to tell ya
Is a minute with you is better than two without
Oh, I won't be a fool but I can't play it cool
So I'm playin' safe and I'm breakin' the rules
I'm wishin' I had what I know that you got
So if you're comin' my way then please don't stop

If you're gonna be somebody's heartbreak

If you're gonna be somebody's mistake
If you're gonna be somebody's first time,
Somebody's last time, baby be mine
If you're lookin' to be somebody's 'just friends',
A little laughin', little lovin', never callin' again, that's just fine
If you're gonna be somebody's heartbreak
Be mine
Oh, woah

If you're gonna be somebody's heartbreak
Or somebody's mistake
Somebody's first time, or their last time, baby be mine
If you're lookin' to be somebody's 'just friends',
A little laughin', little lovin', never callin' again, that's just fine
If you're gonna be somebody's heartbreak
Be mine (If you're gonna be somebody's heartbreak)
Be mine (If you're gonna be somebody's mistake)
Oh, I'll take my chances
If you're gonna be someone's heartbreak
If you're gonna be someone's mistake
Somebody's first time, somebody's last time
Be mine
Oh, be mine
Be mine
Baby, baby, baby, be mine, all mine
If you're gonna break someone's heart, yeah
Might as well, might as well be mine

Love this song.... Not sure why it's actually kinda sad if you think about it but it seems to strike a cord in me.... Have a listen... What do you think?

Shackled, Tied And Chained

People tell you to look to the future and never look back

I don’t have a choice

My life is packed in boxes and moving backwards

Back to you

It’s always comes back to you

When I left, I never really left…

You’ve always held me, I’ve always stayed

In the circle of your arms and the warmth of your smile

You’ve always been my forever

Maybe a decade wasn’t long enough

But it was all I could take

Each day growing longer without your voice

Each moment a waking nightmare

Cause without you it’s nothing

I’m nothing

I’m hollow

So I’m returning

To what… I don’t know

I just know that I must

Maybe this new path will find us together

Maybe it will give us a better ending

But whatever the case I can’t make it worse

This is as bad as it will ever be

This is the reason I cry

And sleeping haunts me

This is the thorn in my side

I’m shackled, tied and chained

Waiting for a change

And any change will do

It;s funny to think I only wrote this in January.  So much has changed since then.  I'm home.  While technically not yet but I feel like I'm home.  I have been spending every weekend wrapped in the love of my life's arms... something I only dreamed would happen again.  I am so blissfully happy and thankful... there is a small part of me that is waiting for the other shoe to drop... the inevitable decline of this uphill rise... but whenever I feel that way I remind myself to just enjoy the moment... enjoy the fact that right now... I have everything I ever wanted.

Girl On Fire

 Girl On Fire

(As Performed by: Alicia Keys)

She's just a girl and she's on fire
Hotter than a fantasy, lonely like a highway
She's living in a world and it's on fire
Feeling with catastrophe, but she knows she can fly away

Ohhhh oh oh oh oh
She got both feet on the ground
And she's burning it down
Ohhhh oh oh oh oh
She got her head in the clouds
And she's not backing down

This girl is on fire
This girl is on fire
She's walking on fire
This girl is on fire

Looks like a girl, but she's a flame
So bright, she can burn your eyes
Better look the other way
You can try but you'll never forget her name
She's on top of the world
Hottest of the hottest girls say

Ohhhh oh oh oh
We got our feet on the ground
And we're burning it down
Ohhhh oh oh oh oh
Got our head in the clouds
And we're not coming down

This girl is on fire
This girl is on fire
She's walking on fire
This girl is on fire

Everybody stares, as she goes by
'Cause they can see the flame that's in her eyes
Watch her when she's lighting up the night
Nobody knows that she's a lonely girl
And it's a lonely world
But she gon' let it burn, baby, burn, baby

This girl is on fire
This girl is on fire
She's walking on fire
This girl is on fire

Oh, oh, oh, oh ohhhhh oh oh oh ohhh oh oh oh ohhhh...
Oh, oh, oh, oh ohhhhh oh oh oh ohhh oh oh oh ohhhh...
Oh, oh, oh, oh ohhhhh oh oh oh ohhh oh oh oh ohhhh...
Oh, oh, oh, oh ohhhhh oh oh oh ohhh oh oh oh ohhhh...

She's just a girl and she's on fire

My best friend says this is my song.  Says that things always seem to work out for me and that right now I can seem to do no wrong.  I will admit that right now my life seems to be on track in a way it has really never been.... but make no mistake my dear friend... things don't always work out for me and sooner or later this beautifully blessed lucky streak will come to an end.... right now though.... I'm quite happy with the way things are going.

STAY

All along it was a fever
A cold sweat hot-headed believer
I threw my hands in the air, I said "Show me something"
He said "If you dare, come a little closer"

Round, and around, and around
And around we go
Oh-Oh now, tell me now, tell me now
Tell me now you know

Not really sure how to feel about it
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you
It takes me all the way, I want you to stay

It's not much of a life you're living
It's not just something you take, it's given

Round, and around, and around
And around we go
Oh-Oh now, tell me now, tell me now
Tell me now you know

Not really sure how to feel about it
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you
It takes me all the way, I want you to stay

Ooh, Ooh-Ooh, the reason I hold on
Ooh, Ooh-Ooh, cause I need this hole gone

Funny you're the broken one
But I'm the only one who needed saving
'Cause when you never see the lights
It's hard to know which one of us is caving

Not really sure how to feel about it
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you
It takes me all the way

I want you to stay, stay
I want you to stay, Ooh-Ooh

Love this song... actually looked up other peoples interpretations of the song online... so many different ways that people see this song... I love that... My interpretation: about a couple that is very much in love but for one reason or another keeps pulling apart... Very sad... Very Familiar lol... Hopefully it all works out in the end...

 

ALWAYS

I don’t remember a bad thing about you

Only that you held me when I cried

Somehow you always made some time

To make me smile a little

And I remember bouncing on your bed

And coming home from school to you

I remember playing card games too

You were always so much fun

And I never thought you harsh with me

Allowed me to be who I had to be

And I think you are a part of who

I’ve somehow come to be

Steady and stable

Strong and sure

I take you in my heart

Here or gone

I know for sure

We’ve never been apart

Dedicated in loving memory to:

Mark Weisbrodt

Love you Uncle Mark... Miss you too :(

That's The Truth

That's The Truth

(As Performed By: Paul Brandt)

So tired of listenin' to the politicians
You can't believe what you see in the news
Lawyers try with motions and revisions
To spin a tale and tip the scales of truth

I work hard to make an honest livin'
Do my best in everything I do
Whether it's nine to five, football, cars or fishin'
Or comin' home to hug and kiss on you

No lies or alibies
It's all so clear when I look in your eyes
Like an arrow shot bull's eye
Straight and true
Like the Mississippi flows into the bayou

(That's the truth) I'm comin' home to see you baby
You're the one thing that I know for sure
In a world that's goin' crazy
You're a matter of survival
My heart and soul revival
Swear on a stack of bibles
Cross my heart and I will be here for you
And that's the truth

When i'm lost in the chaos and confusion
You're the light that leads me to the shore
I tell you girl in a world full of illusions
You're the ray of truth that I've been lookin' for

Now I'm late on the interstate
Radio on at the end of the day
Got the pedal to the metal
Got the top rolled down
I wanna scream and shout about the love we found

(That's the truth) I'm comin' home to see you baby
You're the one thing that I know for sure
In a world that's goin' crazy
You're a matter of survival
My heart and soul revival
Swear on a stack of bibles
Cross my heart and I will be here for you
And that's the truth

Like and arrow shot bull's eye
Straight and true
Like the Mississippi flows into the bayou

(That's the truth) I'm comin' home to see you baby
You're the one thing that I know for sure
In a world that's goin' crazy
You're a matter of survival
My heart and soul revival
Swear on a stack of bibles
Cross my heart and I will be here for you
I'm comin' home to see you baby
You're the one thing that I know for sure
In a world that's goin' crazy
You're a matter of survival
My heart and soul revival
Swear on a stack of bibles
Cross my heart and I will be here for you
And that's the truth
(That's the truth)

Not much to say today... I'm tired... long weekends are starting to take thier toll on me lol... (Though I don't plan on stopping them anytime soon :)).  Love this song... Love the Sentiment!  Have a listen :)

A Moment

Laughter, seems like its been forever

A genuine smile, a genuine moment

Not lost in my head, just lost in the day

The sun beating down through the campfire smoke

Muddy shoes and dirty hands

Some memories last forever

The twilight upon us, gentle kisses, a tender touch

Not lost in my head, just lost in the moment

A genuine moment with you

Well Sunday was my birthday.... We celebrated Saturday with a day at the farm; quadding, roasting wieners, playing at the park... It was the best day I can remember... My kids were so happy, We were so happy... It was one of just one of those days that you want to re-live over and over... Thank God for giving it to me... For giving me so much lately... It's so nice to feel like myself again...  To live in the moment and enjoy and be thankful for every blessing I have.... And I have so many.

When I Think About Angels

WHEN I THINK ABOUT ANGELS
(As Performed by: Jamie O'Neal)

Why does the color of my coffee match your eyes
Why do I see you when I stranger passes by
I swear I hear you in the whisper of the wind
I feel you when the sun is dancin' on my skin
And when it's raining
You won't find me complainin' cause

When I think about rain
I think about singing
When I think about singing
its a heavenly tune
When I think about Heaven then
I think about angels
When I think about Angels
I think about you

The taste of sugar sure reminds me of your kiss
I like the way that they
both linger on my lips
Kisses remind me of a field of butterflies
Must be the way my heart is fluttering inside
Beautiful distraction
You make every thought a chain reaction

(chorus)

Anywhere I go
Anything I do
Everything around me baby
Makes me think of you

(chorus)(x2)

I love this song... And there is so much truth to it... when you first fall in love with someone everything around you is tainted by that... something like a dirty sweatsock can bring a smile to your face.... because everything n your life is linked to the happiness you are feeling.  God has a way of doing that.... bringing all things together for good.  

Who I am

I’ve never finished what I’ve started

Never coped with the departed

Never accepted all the facts

Never followed the right track

I’ve always lost my way in life

Consumed by my own pain and strife

Never accept the help I seek

Can’t let people see I’m weak

I couldn’t spare my pride for love

And so I never get enough

No one could ever know my shame

I’m too scared to share the pain

I’m lonely each and every night

But I’m too shy to make things right

I worry till I cannot sleep

Bit my tongue each time I speak

I lose my faith each time I’m mad

And long for a life I’ll never have

I wrote this more than 10 years ago.... Although some of these things are still valid... most are not... I don't feel like I am this person anymore... I feel stronger... more determined... more in charge of my destiny than I ever thought I would be... I am no longer this girl... and I love who I am today.

The One

The One

(As Performed by: Gary Allen)

No rush though I need your touch
I won't rush your heart
Until you feel on solid ground
Until your strength is found, girl

I'll fill those canyons in your soul
Like a river lead you home
And I'll walk a step behind
In the shadows so you shine
Just ask it will be done
And I WILL prove my love
Until you're sure that I'm "the one"

Somebody else was here before
He treated you unkind
And broken wings need time to heal
Before a heart can fly, girl

I'll fill those canyons in your soul
Like a river lead you home
And I'll walk a step behind
In the shadows so you shine
Just ask it will be done
And I will prove my love
Until you're sure that I'm "the one"

Trust in me and you'll find a heart so true
All I want to do is give the best of me to you
And stand beside you

Just ask it will be done
And I WILL prove my love
Until you're sure that I'm "the one"

I've always believed in "The One."  That one person who completes you and makes you feel whole in a way that no one else can.  It's not that you cant find love with someone else... but I truly believe that God makes someone special for all of us... and if you are lucky enough to find them and keep them, your life will have more meaning, more substance and more joy than you could ever find with anyone else.